Lucky Mrs Koala

A Koala's penis is forked.

Short back and chef

Delia Smith used to be a hairdresser.

Imagine that. Imagine sitting in a straight-backed chair, a cape tucked under your chin, while Delia Smith snipped away at your frizzy stronds. Imagine Delia Smith showing you the back of your head in a mirror, and you saying "That's great, thanks" to Delia Smith. Imagine Delia Smith sweeping up your hair after you'd left. Bloody hell.

ps. Apologies for two stupid celebrity-related facts in a row. Something more sophisticated will follow.

If there's one thing that Motherski and I are agreed on..

Quick fact to make up for lack of Friday factage:

Alan Bennet speaks Russian.

Non-blasphemous snacking

Strictly observant Jewish people aren't allowed to do much on the Sabbath. That's why some fridges are sold with a specific SABBATH MODE included, to ensure that you don't accidentally blaspheme whilst rummaging for a bagel.

The following is an extract from the SABBATH MODE section of a manual for a Sub Zero refrigerator:

-The door can be opened/closed at any time without concern of directly turning on or off any lights, digital readouts, solenoids, fans, valves, compressor, icons, tones or alarms.

-Any defrost cycle that becomes active will not be a function of the number of times or the length of time that the door is opened.

-The ice maker is disabled automatically. Ice cubes can then be made manually (using a standard ice cube tray) as needed for that Sabbath/Holiday.

I heartily hope that the fridge bellows 'ENGAGE SABBATH MODE' at the moment the Sabbath begins. That would be amazing.

Apes on a Rock

The Rock of Gibraltar is well-known for two things: having a large colony of barbary apes (which are actually monkeys, taxonomy-fans), and being under British rule.

However, did you know that these two things are, traditionally, seen as interconnected? Much like the Tower of London with its ravens, it is said the Rock will cease to be under British command the day that all the apes die out.

Daft myth? Perhaps so, but when numbers dwindled to just 7 simians after World War II, Winston Churchill picked up his huge Bakelite telephone, chewed angrily on his cigar, and demanded that the ape population be boosted with extra animals from North Africa. Which they duly were.

Bit of Bully

Sorry about the pause. Here's a nice fact to make up for it.

Bullfighting! (or 'booooool fah-ting' as the Spaniards, rather charmingly, pronounce it) Not the most excusable of activities, what with its emphasis on taunting and killing boooools in the name of fun. But it's not always about baying for blood.

If a crowd at a bullring is particularly impressed by a certain bull (due to the sterling fight it puts up, or perhaps by its witty, informed conversational skills), they can call for an indulto. This sees the lucky bovine spared from the sword, and returned to the paddock from whence it came.

(Where it will probably die from post-traumatic stress disorder, but hey. Whaddyagonnado?)

It gets more Northern

The most Northerly point on the British mainlaind isn't at John o'Groats. It's at Dunnet Head, which is about 11 miles North/Northwest of its more famous sibling.

Ha! In your face, thousands of millions of tourists who only went as far as John o'Groats.

BONUS EGG FACT I FORGOT TO INCLUDE YESTERDAY: Keeping eggs in a fridge door is a bad idea. The swinging motion weakens the yolk sacs and makes them more likely to break during frying.

False Traditions of Food

Two of the great British dishes, still served in many a quaint English pub, were named by twentieth-century marketing men.

“Bacon and Eggs” was a phrase coined in the 1920s by Edward Bernays, one of the forefathers of public relations. He was working on a campaign to promote sales of bacon, and hit on the phrase as shorthand for a hearty cooked breakfast. Whilst people certainly ate this combination beforehand, the phrase was not in common usage.

More distressingly, a ‘Ploughman’s Lunch’ was not some charming old nomenclature from 14th-century Dorset. The name was cooked up by marketing executives for the English Country Cheese council in 1960. The minutes of the meeting wherein it was devised have been traced.

In Coffam Veritas

In the early 18th century, the father of famous satirical artist William Hogarth tried to open a London coffee-house with a difference: it was LATIN SPEAKING.

The coffeehouse failed, and poor debt-stricken Pop Hogarth was duly sent to prison. Mind you, some would argue that anyone with such indescribably poncey ideas deserved a spell in the slammer.

Ears!

The little nubbly bit of cartilage at the front of your ear - just where ear meets head, on the same level as the earhole - is called a tragus (pronounced tray-gus).

The word comes from trago, the Greek for 'goat'. This is because the tragus often has a fine coating of hair on its underside, like a goat's beard.

TENUOUS at best, I feel. Nul points, Greece.

Stung by TFL

The London Underground plays host to the most EXPENSIVE TRAIN JOURNEY ON EARTH, in terms of money-per-metre.

It's the 43-second ride between Covent Garden and Leicester Square on the Piccalidickly line -four pounds for a measly 0.26 km, if you buy a regular single ticket. That's 1.5 pence per metre.

"Your feet stink of Anthrax"

Anthrax! Not the thrash metal band from New York, but the nasty bacterium beloved of bioterrorists and feared by people and ruminants the world over. We all know that it can make you feel mighty unwell - but did you know that, when grown in large quantities, it smells strongly of sweaty feet?

So - maybe not too different to the band after all.

Humpty Dumpty Rock

Billy Joel, ABBA, Ben Folds and Genesis have all referenced Humpty Dumpty in their songs.

Kibosh!

"Well, he soon put the kibosh on THAT idea." It's a bloody odd phrase. What's a kibosh and why does the application of one instantly result in something being stopped?

Well, as is often the case with etymology, it's difficult to prove, but the generally accepted answer is that 'kibosh' derives from "cie bais" - a Gaelic phrase meaning "cap of death." This was a black skullcap worn by judges in ancient Ireland before sentencing prisoners to death.

ps. BONUS ANAL PRONUNCIATION POINT: the correct pronunciation is 'ky-bosh'. Not kee-boosh.

A Venerable Drinke

Dandelion and Burdock! It may taste like it was tapped from Satan's own driptray, but it's certainly been around for a long time. Evidence suggests that it has been drunk in Britain since 1265, and there is even an improbable story that it was invented by 13th-century philosopher Thomas Aquinas.

It is said that after having a cheeky pray one day, Tom wandered outside and, seized with a bit of a thirst, made a drink out of the first things he found - as a proof that "God would provide." Good job he didn't stumble across a pile of horseshit and some nettles eh?

Enthralling

"Thrall" is the old Norse word for slave.

So if you are in thrall to something, you are - quite liderally - enslaved to it.

Dieu protege la reine

CANADA = BRITISH SOVEREIGNTY.

BITS OF CANADA BE SPEAKIN' MOSTLY FRENCH.

SO WHAT DO THEY, THEN, FOR TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WHEN OUR GOOD QUEENIE DOTH STRIDE FORTH INTO THE MASSES?

Why, they sing this officially sanctioned translation:

Dieu protège la reine
De sa main souveraine!
Vive la reine!
Qu'un règne glorieux,
Long et victorieux
Rende son peuple heureux.
Vive la reine!

ps. Bonus grammar nerd fact: "God save the queen" is one of the few remaining phrases in English use that uses the subjunctive.

Ohgodohgodohgod..I NEED A CURRY

Coriander! Divine when chopped over a curry, and heartily welcome in all manner of dishes besides. But this noble herb's powers don't stop at the culinary. For experiments on mice have proven that coriander has a mild tranquilising effect, and can be effective as a herbal treatment for anxiety.