Friday, 15 May 2009

Catty Country

Sorry about the big paws. To make up for it, here is a fact about small paws.

New Zealand has the highest ownership of cats per capita in the world.

"Alroight brew! Lotts of kitts in en zid, eh!" said a government spokesman, yesterday.

Tuesday, 5 May 2009

The Wicket Truth

Where did the first test cricket match take place, PRAY TELL? Was it upon the hallowed turf of Lords? Some dusty, palm-fringed pitch outside old Madras? Perhaps amidst the nascent city centre of Sydney? Nein, nein, and thrice nein. It was in Hoboken, New Jersey, USA, in 1844.

And while you're reeling from this horrendous blow to everything you held dear, have this: the two countries represented were those well-known cricketing hubs, Canada and the USA.

Monday, 4 May 2009

Shitty Wizard

Kaboom! Let's recommence facts.

The origins of Merlin, King Arthur's wizardly chum, are shrouded in obscurity. However, one theory is that the wizard's original name was MERDINUS, and that this was changed to 'Merlin' by Geoffrey of Monmouth (one of the first writers to mention him) who was worried about the resemblance of the name to the French merde (shit).

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Nasty Romans

The Nazis weren't the first bunch of deranged, power-crazed rulers who believed that disability should be eliminated from society.

Chances are you've heard of the Tarpeian Rock in Rome - a high point from which traitors and murderers were flung to their deaths. But did you know that those nasty Romans also used to fling people with mental and physical disabilities from there? Not because they'd committed any crimes, but because they were thought to have been 'cursed by the gods'. Nice.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Talented Family

Matthew Corbett - the bearded man who presented the Sooty Show - is the great-nephew of HARRY RAMSDEN, the Fish and Chip Shop magnate.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

I.E and E.G.

Just a quick one today:

i.e. stands for id est - meaning 'that is'.

e.g. stands for exempli gratia - meaning 'for example'.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Snot Fair

Nottingham was originally known as Snotta, or just Snot.

Its first recorded mention (in 1016) sees it called Snotinghamscir.

What next? London originally known as 'Bumdon'? Leicester originally dubbed 'Molester'? Truro's real name 'Big Sweaty Bollocks'? Madness.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

Thespian Idiocy

Actors! As if they weren't already irritating enough - what with their propensity for tantrums, tears, and talking towering amounts of crap - they are also very superstitious people.

We all know the standard guff about Scottish plays and breaking legs, but did you know that the following are also thought to bring bad luck in theatres?
  • Whistling
  • Using real money onstage
  • Having peacock feathers used in a production, either in a set or costume
I am now off to put the finishing touches to my gritty piece of theatre verité, WHISTLING PEACOCK BANK.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Christmas Hit That Wasn't

Roxette's trouser-busting power ballad "It Must Have Been Love" was originally a Christmas song (albeit quite a different beast to the likes of those from Wizzard and Slade).

It was called "Christmas For The Broken Hearted" and was released under this name. Virtually all the lyrics were the same apart from one Christmas-referencing line, which was changed when the song came to be re-released.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Trial by Sieve

What a jolly place the law courts would be if we still practised coscinomancy. This splendid, fair-minded, and totally rational procedure was used in ancient Greece to determine the guilty party in a criminal offence.

If you fancy having a crack at some coscinomancy, simply suspend a SIEVE (apparently it has to be a sieve - colanders are not welcome) from a thread. Then read out the names of all possible guilty parties. The sieve will quiver when the guilty party is named. Then inflict a punishment on them as you see fit. Hurrah!

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

In The Moody for Love

There is a town in Alabama called Moody, with a high school called MOODY JUNIOR HIGH.

Which is no doubt quite apt.

Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Lucky Mrs Koala

A Koala's penis is forked.

Monday, 30 March 2009

Short back and chef

Delia Smith used to be a hairdresser.

Imagine that. Imagine sitting in a straight-backed chair, a cape tucked under your chin, while Delia Smith snipped away at your frizzy stronds. Imagine Delia Smith showing you the back of your head in a mirror, and you saying "That's great, thanks" to Delia Smith. Imagine Delia Smith sweeping up your hair after you'd left. Bloody hell.

ps. Apologies for two stupid celebrity-related facts in a row. Something more sophisticated will follow.

Saturday, 28 March 2009

If there's one thing that Motherski and I are agreed on..

Quick fact to make up for lack of Friday factage:

Alan Bennet speaks Russian.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

Non-blasphemous snacking

Strictly observant Jewish people aren't allowed to do much on the Sabbath. That's why some fridges are sold with a specific SABBATH MODE included, to ensure that you don't accidentally blaspheme whilst rummaging for a bagel.

The following is an extract from the SABBATH MODE section of a manual for a Sub Zero refrigerator:

-The door can be opened/closed at any time without concern of directly turning on or off any lights, digital readouts, solenoids, fans, valves, compressor, icons, tones or alarms.

-Any defrost cycle that becomes active will not be a function of the number of times or the length of time that the door is opened.

-The ice maker is disabled automatically. Ice cubes can then be made manually (using a standard ice cube tray) as needed for that Sabbath/Holiday.

I heartily hope that the fridge bellows 'ENGAGE SABBATH MODE' at the moment the Sabbath begins. That would be amazing.

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Apes on a Rock

The Rock of Gibraltar is well-known for two things: having a large colony of barbary apes (which are actually monkeys, taxonomy-fans), and being under British rule.

However, did you know that these two things are, traditionally, seen as interconnected? Much like the Tower of London with its ravens, it is said the Rock will cease to be under British command the day that all the apes die out.

Daft myth? Perhaps so, but when numbers dwindled to just 7 simians after World War II, Winston Churchill picked up his huge Bakelite telephone, chewed angrily on his cigar, and demanded that the ape population be boosted with extra animals from North Africa. Which they duly were.

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Bit of Bully

Sorry about the pause. Here's a nice fact to make up for it.

Bullfighting! (or 'booooool fah-ting' as the Spaniards, rather charmingly, pronounce it) Not the most excusable of activities, what with its emphasis on taunting and killing boooools in the name of fun. But it's not always about baying for blood.

If a crowd at a bullring is particularly impressed by a certain bull (due to the sterling fight it puts up, or perhaps by its witty, informed conversational skills), they can call for an indulto. This sees the lucky bovine spared from the sword, and returned to the paddock from whence it came.

(Where it will probably die from post-traumatic stress disorder, but hey. Whaddyagonnado?)

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

It gets more Northern

The most Northerly point on the British mainlaind isn't at John o'Groats. It's at Dunnet Head, which is about 11 miles North/Northwest of its more famous sibling.

Ha! In your face, thousands of millions of tourists who only went as far as John o'Groats.

BONUS EGG FACT I FORGOT TO INCLUDE YESTERDAY: Keeping eggs in a fridge door is a bad idea. The swinging motion weakens the yolk sacs and makes them more likely to break during frying.

Monday, 16 March 2009

False Traditions of Food

Two of the great British dishes, still served in many a quaint English pub, were named by twentieth-century marketing men.

“Bacon and Eggs” was a phrase coined in the 1920s by Edward Bernays, one of the forefathers of public relations. He was working on a campaign to promote sales of bacon, and hit on the phrase as shorthand for a hearty cooked breakfast. Whilst people certainly ate this combination beforehand, the phrase was not in common usage.

More distressingly, a ‘Ploughman’s Lunch’ was not some charming old nomenclature from 14th-century Dorset. The name was cooked up by marketing executives for the English Country Cheese council in 1960. The minutes of the meeting wherein it was devised have been traced.

Friday, 13 March 2009

In Coffam Veritas

In the early 18th century, the father of famous satirical artist William Hogarth tried to open a London coffee-house with a difference: it was LATIN SPEAKING.

The coffeehouse failed, and poor debt-stricken Pop Hogarth was duly sent to prison. Mind you, some would argue that anyone with such indescribably poncey ideas deserved a spell in the slammer.

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Ears!

The little nubbly bit of cartilage at the front of your ear - just where ear meets head, on the same level as the earhole - is called a tragus (pronounced tray-gus).

The word comes from trago, the Greek for 'goat'. This is because the tragus often has a fine coating of hair on its underside, like a goat's beard.

TENUOUS at best, I feel. Nul points, Greece.

Stung by TFL

The London Underground plays host to the most EXPENSIVE TRAIN JOURNEY ON EARTH, in terms of money-per-metre.

It's the 43-second ride between Covent Garden and Leicester Square on the Piccalidickly line -four pounds for a measly 0.26 km, if you buy a regular single ticket. That's 1.5 pence per metre.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

"Your feet stink of Anthrax"

Anthrax! Not the thrash metal band from New York, but the nasty bacterium beloved of bioterrorists and feared by people and ruminants the world over. We all know that it can make you feel mighty unwell - but did you know that, when grown in large quantities, it smells strongly of sweaty feet?

So - maybe not too different to the band after all.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Humpty Dumpty Rock

Billy Joel, ABBA, Ben Folds and Genesis have all referenced Humpty Dumpty in their songs.

Monday, 9 March 2009

Kibosh!

"Well, he soon put the kibosh on THAT idea." It's a bloody odd phrase. What's a kibosh and why does the application of one instantly result in something being stopped?

Well, as is often the case with etymology, it's difficult to prove, but the generally accepted answer is that 'kibosh' derives from "cie bais" - a Gaelic phrase meaning "cap of death." This was a black skullcap worn by judges in ancient Ireland before sentencing prisoners to death.

ps. BONUS ANAL PRONUNCIATION POINT: the correct pronunciation is 'ky-bosh'. Not kee-boosh.

Friday, 6 March 2009

A Venerable Drinke

Dandelion and Burdock! It may taste like it was tapped from Satan's own driptray, but it's certainly been around for a long time. Evidence suggests that it has been drunk in Britain since 1265, and there is even an improbable story that it was invented by 13th-century philosopher Thomas Aquinas.

It is said that after having a cheeky pray one day, Tom wandered outside and, seized with a bit of a thirst, made a drink out of the first things he found - as a proof that "God would provide." Good job he didn't stumble across a pile of horseshit and some nettles eh?

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Enthralling

"Thrall" is the old Norse word for slave.

So if you are in thrall to something, you are - quite liderally - enslaved to it.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Dieu protege la reine

CANADA = BRITISH SOVEREIGNTY.

BITS OF CANADA BE SPEAKIN' MOSTLY FRENCH.

SO WHAT DO THEY, THEN, FOR TO SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WHEN OUR GOOD QUEENIE DOTH STRIDE FORTH INTO THE MASSES?

Why, they sing this officially sanctioned translation:

Dieu protège la reine
De sa main souveraine!
Vive la reine!
Qu'un règne glorieux,
Long et victorieux
Rende son peuple heureux.
Vive la reine!

ps. Bonus grammar nerd fact: "God save the queen" is one of the few remaining phrases in English use that uses the subjunctive.

Monday, 2 March 2009

Ohgodohgodohgod..I NEED A CURRY

Coriander! Divine when chopped over a curry, and heartily welcome in all manner of dishes besides. But this noble herb's powers don't stop at the culinary. For experiments on mice have proven that coriander has a mild tranquilising effect, and can be effective as a herbal treatment for anxiety.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Baboon Bitch

When sharking for female baboons, dominant male baboons often perform a curious ritual known as the 'false mount'. This involves briefly mounting a submissive, younger male from the troop. In a sex way.

To the casual voyeur, this may look as though some hot homosexual baboon action is on the cards; however, this is not (generally) the case. Our dominant male is merely making the point that the lesser males are his bitches. Well, so he claims.

Monday, 23 February 2009

A Very Old Wagon

The earliest known representation of a four-wheeled vehicle is found on a pot known as the Bronocice Pot, discovered near Krakow. Beardy archaeological types think the pot- which has a crap illustration of what appears to be rudimentary wagon - dates from 3635 BC. Or thereabouts.

Friday, 20 February 2009

Rude-Sounding Islamic Tax

In an Islamic state, a per capita tax can be levied on certain non-muslim citizens. This tax is called a Jizya.

Jizya. Snigger.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Funeral for a Fish

The Swedish dish gravlax - that is, salmon cured with salt, sugar and dill - literally means 'grave salmon'. This dates back to the Middle Ages when those zany Swedes would ferment 'said fish by burying it for a while.

Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Jain Spittle

A fact about JAINISM today. This Indian religion is the world's 9th most popular faith; if Christianity is The Beatles and Islam is U2, then Jainism is probably...Phil Collins. Let's fact!

Jainism is a very gentle, careful religion. Not only do Jains sweep the ground in front of them as they go - thus avoiding accidentally killing insects - but when performing holy deeds, Jains wear cloths over their mouths and noses to avoid saliva falling on texts or revered images.

I do wish vicars in church would do this too. You could squint and pretend you were at a Michael Jackson concert.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Leprosy. I'm not half the man I used to be..

Leper colonies used to be very popular. There were, it is estimated, 19,000 of them across Europe in the Middle Ages. They were the Tesco of their day, albeit more pleasant to visit on a Saturday afternoon.

Monday, 16 February 2009

Needlessly Long Words

Long words can unquestionably add weight to what you're saying (or writing). Assuming, that is, they're used with economy and good judgement.

But what of those unspeakable pricks, those dictionary-sluts, who insert a 'prevaricate' where a 'lie' will suffice? Who wield a god-awful 'facilitate' in place of a perfectly functional 'arrange'? WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

Here's what they're doing: they are depitating. Depitation is the use of long or complicated words in a bid to appear more intelligent. Sadly, if you use the word 'depitation' in a conversation, people will probably accuse you of depitation.

Friday, 13 February 2009

Four!

Four is the only number in the English language for which the number of letters in its name is equal to the number itself.

This is also the case in Dutch (vier).

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Rock n' Roll Comma

"Paint It, Black" is the title of a truly smashing Rolling Stones song. I have just listened to it in the office, and it was all I could do to stop myself launching into a full-scale Jagger imitation on my desk.

But knew you this - that the comma in the song title is an accident? It was never intended to be there by the band. But owing to a mix-up at the record company it was inserted on the record label, it stuck, and the rest - as Keef croaked, before lighting up another industrial-strength fag - was 'istory, man.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

En Epic Aardvark

All hail the snuffly little aardvark, a charming creature who boasts the distinction of being the first animal in the English dictionary.

Sadly, the unfortunate aadvark is much sought-after by African tribal Hausa magicians, who make a charm from its heart, skin, forehead, and nails, which they pound together with tree roots. Wrapped in a piece of skin and worn on the chest the charm is said to give the owner the ability to pass through walls or roofs at night.

I really don't get how myths like that come into being. I mean, if they said it brought good luck, that would be at least plausible. But 'the ability to pass through walls or roofs at night'? Did no-one think to subject this to a quick, brutal empirical test?

Caligula Would Have Blushed

The 1979 film Caligula, scripted by Gore Vidal, has a cheeky claim to fame. It is the only mainstream motion picture starring eminent film actors (Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole) which features hardcore sex footage.

Much like a Tuesday evening at my flat, Caligula features orgies, masturbation, fellatio, cunnilingus, anal fisting, male and female homosexuality, transvestism, sibling incest, rape, male and female urination, decapitation of prisoners using a lawnmower-type device, infanticide, implied fratricide, penile castration and testicle castration.

Saucy!

Humane Costa Ricans

"...to a place of execution, where you shall be hung by the neck until dead."

Chilling words indeed, but not ones that have been heard in Costa Rica for a long time. Because Costa Rica outlawed the death penalty in 1877 - a full 28 years before liberal, enlightened Norway, and almost 100 years before the beastly, barbaric UK.

Finnishing First At Javelin

Finnish people are very good at throwing the javelin. This is the only Summer Olympic athletic event in which they've had any repeat success in, particularly during the last 100 years.

Kurt Was A Shandy Drinker

When Nirvana appeared on UK television show The Word in 1990 or thereabouts, their backstage rider consisted of three cans of Top Deck Shandy.

ROCK AND ROLL. Can you still even get Top Deck Shandy?

I Piddy The Foo Who Attack Diana Ross

Before he became famous for driving a van, being scared of flying and piddying foo's, Mr T worked as a bodyguard for a host of celebrities - including Diana Ross and Michael Jackson.

Ou Est Mon Passport?

British passports have not always been written in the same language.

  • Before 1772 they were written in Latin or English.
  • From 1772 to 1858 they were written in French. (FRENCH! Blo-ody HELL!)
  • From 1858 onwards they have been written in English, with a French translation of certain sections since 1921.

Powdery Heron

HERONS! Eerie, great-winged guardians of canal and marsh! Sinister sentinels of plashy wetlands! Marauding enemy of the fishpond enthusiast, and friend to the ornithologist! What splendid and noble birds you are.

But knew you, my fact-hungry little chums, that the Great Blue Heron has a singular trick up its feathery sleeve? It has special feathers that crumble to form a powder. The enterprising bird rubs this powder onto its other feathers to clean them and make them repel water.

Let us ascend the tallest tower and cry to the stars above - HERONS! HERONS! HERONS! Ahem.

Fruit nomenclatures

Between its early days as the Chinese gooseberry and its modern incarnation as the kiwi fruit, the kiwi had a short-lived period under a third name: Melonette.

A-Ha's Clever Keyboardist

Have you heard of Magne Furuholmen? Almost certainly not. He is the keyboard player from 1980s Norwegian pop sensations A-ha. But Magne has a further claim to fame: as well as playing that smashing riff in "Take On Me", he also once designed a postage stamp for Norway.

Lytch-in? Ly-ken?

Ly-kun? Litch-in? However you choose to pronounce these sparse, mossy plants, one thing's for sure - they're totally, like, magic! At least, medieval peasants thought so.

During the Middle Ages, the Doctrine of Signatures (a sort of Medical Dictionary With Added Superstition and Witchcraft) proposed that plants resembling a human body part could be used to treat disorders pertaining to that body part. As such, because of its resemblance to lung tissue, the lichen Lungwort (Lobaria pulmonaria, taxonomy fans) was used as a totally ineffectual remedy for tuberculosis and other diseases of the lungs.

So ladies and gennelmen, put your HANDS together PLEASE, and give it up for the Mossiest Plant On The Moor, The Hardest-Healing Wort In Showbusiness, the one, the only, LICHEN!!! AWL-RIGHT! Phew.

Sorry, Denmark

Great Danes do not come from Denmark. They were developed in Germany, from dogs taken there by a group of people called the Alans.

The Alans? They deserve a fact of their own..at some time in the future.

Left Leg In...

Awwww HOKEY COKEY COKEY! Gor blimey, guv, everyone loves the Hokey Cokey. It's a staple of pissed-up parties, particularly if you have a number of loveable cockneys in your friendship circle.

But if you're thinking of using it in an advert for your product, better check which side of the Atlantic you're on. In the UK, the Hokey Cokey is regarded as a 'traditional song' and, as such, can be used rights-free. In the USA, it's under copyright and costs $32,000 dollars to use it for a three month ad campaign.

Shake it all about, indeed.

Semitic Soft Drink

Mountain Dew is a delicious caffeine-filled citrus soft drink, extremely popular in America.

However, it astonishes me that they have never been sued by the Jewish peoples inhabiting the eastern Caucasus, mainly of Azerbaijan and Dagestan. Because these people are commonly referred to as....Mountain Jews.

Literary Customs Official

Although many of us think of the customs official as an unfortunate knave who wasn't quite bright enough to be a policeman, it is a profession with an illustrious history. For medieval poet GEOFFREY CHAUCER spent twelve years working as a customs official in London.

"Ywis, be theyse fagges for ye personal consumptionne onlye?" as he probably said on a daily basis.

Rock, Paper, Fist. I mean scissors.


Rock Paper Scissors. So much more than a way of deciding who gets to eat the last bit of garlic bread. At least, to Americans it is: there is a national Rock Paper Scissors LEAGUE, with big money prizes, sponsored by crap yank beer Bud Light.

Judging by this picture I found of a 'match', it's also more than a trifle homoerotic. Rock Paper Scissors? Cock, gay-per scissors, more like! Or something.


Manx Death

You can still be sentenced to death in the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man, where capital punishment has not been formally abolished.

In practice, the Home Secretary usually reprieves the unlucky sods who are handed this sentence (some within the last ten years).

Dairy Hippies

Ice cream moguls Ben 'and' Jerry originally wanted to start a bagel company - but couldn't afford the bagel-making machine.

Pissed-Up French Doctors

On the basis of a 1999 study involving doctors in the Paris region, almost one of four employees regularly consumes alcohol at work with colleagues or clients.

"Zut alors. Zere is a lump ere. Ah theenk it eez serious. Let's 'ave a glass of wine."

The Thinking Man's Beatle

George Harrison! Moustachioed, gaunt, and mystical. The thinking man's Beatle of choice. Never mind the snide, sarky, Lennon, the perma-grinning thumb-thrusting Macca, or Ringo the Arhythmic Drongo. Not only did George write what Frank Sinatra described as 'the greatest love song ever written' (Something, off the Abbey Road album), but he was also quite the polymath: he played 26 different instruments.

Admittedly, he was no Hendrix on the guitar, but that's probably because he'd rather dedicate his time to learning the Punjabi throat bassoon or something. Let's hear it for George!

Cut-price supermarkets

Katona-endorsed supermarket chain ICELAND is, indeed, part-owned by an Icelandic company. This came as something of a surprise to me - I had always imagined that it was wholly English, and that the Icelandic folk were aggrieved that we'd named a rubbish frozen food emporium after their beloved nation.

Two Facts For The Price of One

The world's oldest known cat was called Spike. He was a ginger and white tom, who lived in Bridport in Dorset, and he was a stonking 31 when he finally made his way to the great litter tray in the sky. He was very old, sah.

ONIONS ORIGINATED IN IRAN.

Homesick Romantic Poet

Lord Byron - expat par excellence, who spent three years holed up in Venice when all of England wanted him dead for being a dirty gay - was partial to 'sending home' for things.

Letters have been found from LB to his publisher, Andrew Murray (no relation to the dour tennis star, sadly), requesting things including English-language books, a special red tooth powder only available in England, and - most bizarrely - a bulldog.

Manatee Death: It's Fiction

I've been reading about jetskis today, and found the following gem on the Personal Watercraft Industry Association website: In a review of over 25 years of manatee mortality, records indicated that no personal watercraft has ever been implicated in a manatee death or injury.

So next time you feel like your jetskiing is being curtailed by your manatee concerns - wave them aside! It's just the politically correct lobby talking rubbish.

One Inch Bear Punch

The Tibetan bear - the creature which is said to have inspired the myth of the yeti or abominable snowman - can kill a yak with ONE FIST.

Not something many of us can claim.

Joni Mitchell

Joni Mitchell! She's a warblesome folkstress with a voice like molten gold. "They paved Paradise, and put up a parking lot," she once mused, oblivious to the parking needs of Paradise's ever-swelling population.

But Joni's life has not - as you might expect - been one long bed o' folksome roses. She caught polio as a kid, which weakened her left hand; consequently, she plays guitar chords in unusual shapes and tunes her guitar weirdly. This led to her distinctive, somewhat jazzy sound.

So there you go! Polio. It killed a lot of kids, but it also progressed folk music. FACT.

American Spelling

The FBI's investigation into the September 11th attacks was the largest in US history. But still, they couldn't be bothered to think up a decent name for it. It was called Operation PENTTBOM.

This annoys me for two reasons:

1) The blinding literalism of it ("WOH! They've like, bombed the Pentagon! What the hell are we gonna call this goddamn investigation, Hank?")

2) The stupid spelling, with that extraneous "T" and the second "B" missing. I bet hours of FBI time were wasted by employees entering the wrong name in official documents, then having to go back and correct it.

Baap

Baap means 'sin' in Thai.

Backwards Urination

Some animals urinate backwards. Camels, hippos and raccoons are notable examples; when these beasts feel the call of nature, you would well advised not to be standing behind them.

But let's say the worst happens, and you find yourself drenched in two pints of camel wee. What word would you need, to describe the cause of your misfortune? Well, it's the splendid RETROMINGENT. Because 'retromingent' is the adjective pertaining to any beast who passes water in such a direction.

A Dutch Party Game

The Dutch! Tall, cheese-eating, tight-fisted libertarians that they are. Here is a fact about the Dutch.

They have a party game called 'Spijkerpoepen', which basically means 'nail shitting'. To play Spijkerpoepen, get a belt and hang a length of string from it. On the end of the string, tie a nail. Now put the belt on, and place a bottle on the floor.

The object of the game is to squat over the bottle and attempt to manoeuvre the nail into the bottle neck, as if you were pooing it in. Lovely.

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